Stinky Body Gas Post 7

Ladies and gents, we're still on the "C" farts, so here's another to enjoy!



The Celestial Fart
Not to be confused with the Did An Angel Speak Fart, which is simply any loud fart in church. The Celestial Fart is soft and delicate, surprising in a boy or an adult. It is probably the most shy of all farts and might be compared with the wood thrush, a very shy bird. It does not have the sly or cunning sound of the Whisper Fart. It is just a very small clear fart with no odor at all. Very rare.

Stinky Body Gas Post 6

Guess what, loyal readers? We're now on to the....


fart portion of my posts.



Either a group one or a group two fart. Very tricky. It is meant to be a concealed fart. A matter of close timing is involved, the farter trying to fart at the exact moment he slams the car door shut. It is usually a good loud fart. It is one of the funnier farts when it doesn't work, which is almost every time. It is a desperation fart and not too common.

Stinky Body Gas Post 5

So I can't find any more info on the copyright stuff for the book (it was published in 1984 - is there a statute of limitations on something that's 26 years old?), I think I'll continue on with my fart posts....We're still on the "B" farts, so here is today's enlightening post!




A silent fart identified by odor alone. Usually an adult fart, occurring while the adult is driving a car or has a front seat passenger who farts. The Burning Brakes Fart actually does smell a little like burning brakes and seems to hang around longer than most farts. Which gives whoever farted a chance to make a big show of checking to see if the emergency brake has been left on. When he finds it hasn't you know who farted. A common automobile fart.


And by the way, Happy Cinco de Mayo! May all your farts today smell like burning brakes!

Stinky Body Gas Post 4

Like the great bald eagle, this fart is pretty well described just by its name. This can either be a group one or a group two fart and can occur just about anywhere. I heard it one time, a group two identification, in a crowded high school auditorium one night, right in that silence that happens when a room full of people has stopped singing the Star Spangled Banner and sat down. It came from the back. There was not a soul in that room that missed it. A fart like that can be impressive.
The most diagnostic characteristic of the Biggest Fart In The World is its size. Fart freaks who go around showing off, farting like popcorn machines and making faces before they fart or asking you to pull their finger and then they fart, never have what it takes for this one, which is rare even among your most serious farters.


This may be my last fart post for a while, as I need to get copyright info on it, if necessary. It's been bugging me for a couple days, and I get freaked out that some unknown person will come swooping down on me with a ginormous fine. So stay tuned....

Stinky Body Gas Post 3

Today starts the second letter posts, coming to you from the letter.....




People who would never in their life know one fart from another, who would like to act like farts don't exist, will have to admit that a Bathtub Fart is something special.
It is the only fart you can see!
What you see is the bubble or bubbles.
The Bathtub Fart can be either single or mulitple noted and fair of foul as to odor. It makes no difference. The farter's location is what does it.
Maybe there is akind of muffled pong and one big bubble. Or there may be a ping ping ping and a buch of bubbles.
The sound I should point out depends somewhat on the depth of the water and even mmore on the tub. If ti is one of those big old heavy tubs with the funny legs you can get terrific sound effects. Whille one of the new thing ones half buried in the floor can be disappointing.
But either way, as long as the water is deep enough, whatever the sound, up comes the bubble or bubbles and you have to be quick but glance back over your shoulder and you have seen it, the Bathtuyb Fart, the most positively identifiable fart known to man.
It is a common fart and strictly group one unless you are a kid still young enough to take baths with your friends.


I thought this was a good post for Sunday, since there will be many kids taking a bath to get ready for church. Now they can have fun trying to "see" a fart!

Day 2 of Stinky Body Gas

Here we are on day two of my fart post series. Let me introduce you to....


This is any fart that gets its power more from being amplified than from the fart itself. A metal porch swing will amplify a fart every time. So will a plywood table, an empty fifty gallon drum, a tin roof, or some empty cardboard boxes if they are strong enough to sit on. Any fart made a great deal louder than it really is through being amplified in this way can be called an Amplified Fart. These are common farts under the right conditions.

May Day!!!

I've been percolating this idea for about a week or so, but wanted to wait until May Day to start it.

As some of you know, I have a kind of sick sense of humor.....sorry if that shocks some of you.....not really, though! Anywho, when I was in high school, I went into a Hallmark store with my friend Sara. I was perusing their store, and came across a book that intrigued me. I started to read it, and by the time I was a couple pages in, I was laughing so hard I was crying, and my friend came rushing over to see what was going on. So of course I had to buy THE FART BOOK.



For today's May Day post, we'll start off with an "A" fart....




This is a good fart for the beginner. It is easy to identify. It starts with a loud unnaturally high note, wavers like a siren, and ends with a quick downward note that stops before you expect it to. It sounds like something is wrong. If it happens to you you will know right off why it is called the Alarm Fart. You will be alarmed. The Alarm Fart, however, is rare.


In case I forgot to mention it, my Fart Book has an A-Z listing of farts and their meanings. Stay tuned for more!




This book is written by Donald Wetzel, illustrated by Martin Riskin, and published by Ivory Tower Publishing Company, Inc., copyright 1983.